old drogs, new tricks
Sept. 27 Sofia Levski 1 Chelsea 3 (DD 3)
How many times have we secretly wished that if only we had the electric Eto'o instead of that donkey Drogba. Oh, just how many zillion times did we pray that Drogs would find his true calling in body-building and spare us those perennial gut-wrenching moments when he used to kick the ball at anything and everything but the goal.
And every screw-up was followed by that awful jaw-clenching grimace. Drogs surely must have sawed off half his teeth by now, i bet.
However, mr muscles has been slowly but surely making amends and this could well be season in which he finally eclipses Eto'o.
As the gaffer said the other day, visitng an East European team who's playing its first Champions League match at home can be quite tricky. But after 10 minutes of the game, the Blues were more concerned about the wet and utterly slippery pitch than the opposition.
The defenders and midfielders were looking like drunks and only the naivety of the hosts made sure that our slips never turned into mishaps.
Sheva only had a bloody face to show for all his efforts and Drogs gleefully continued to prosper at the former's expense. This two-man hitman strategy is working like a charm and at this rate, nobody's gonna care if Sheva finds the net or not.
Nine games, seven goals and a maiden Blue hat-trick to boot. We have all seen the power, commitment and hard work dished out by this African. Finally, Drogs is applying the much-needed finishing touch to his deadly repertoire.
Drogs dear, maybe you can make thy living in football after all.
lucky lucky lampsy
Sept. 23 London Fulham 0 Chelsea 2 (FL 2)
Bashing Lampard has become some sorta past time of late and to be frank, it's not entirely without reason. He's a fine midfielder, no doubt about it. His fitness levels are legendary, prompting even Sir Alex Ferguson to label him a freak. But, he's no Stevie Me. Gerrard oozes talent, while Lamps soared to the dizzy heights with sheer commitment and hard work. And a huge slice of luck.
Confidence personified, Lamps started having a go from the edge of the box every now and then. The lucky deflected goal became a norm in his play so much that he ended up being Chelsea's top scorer for two years running (2005/06: 16, 2004/05: 13).
Sometime around Luna's birth, lady luck seems to have deserted Lamps and an utterly forgettable World Cup followed a strange and silent end to the season. Lamps just couldn't buy a goal for love or money. Not even from the spot.
The short trip across the road to Craven Cottage always promised to be a tricky one, but with Robben back on the left flank, many (including me) expected Sheva to shine.
However, it was Lamps who ended up profiting from Ballack's absence.
Apart from Robben's screamer that rattled the crossbar, Chelsea looked clueless. Michael Brown sure must have watched the Sissokko tapes. He was a constant menace, pushing and shoving and being a veritable pain in the ass. Expect more such stuff in the future.
It took the introduction of Kalou to inject some pace and a penalty was the reward.
Lamps made no mistake this time and the new-found confidence propelled him to score another. It won't win any goal of the week contest, but would still mean a lot to him.
Guess, lady luck's buried the hatchet.
never mind the ballacks
Sheva might finally find his feet thanks to one German’s moment of madness.
Liverpool’s Momo Sissoko was hailed by some as the nouveau Patrick Vieira, but he’s busy proving them wrong by giving the utterly lovable Robbie Savage a run for his money.
After winding up half the Chelsea lineup in double quick time and winning a yellow for his trouble, Sissy was living dangerously. He tripped Lamps clumsily and immediately looked at the ref with guilty eyes. Comrade Riley, well aware that tinkersenor Benitez was twice his size, sighed and showed mercy.
Ballack gave Momo a taste of his own medicine and was soon seen walking off to enjoy an early shower and probably beer.
It wasn’t too surprising to note that the club didn’t bother to approach the FA with an appeal to cut short Ballack’s punishment. Maybe the three-match suspension was just what Mourinho was secretly praying for.
With Essien in the form of his life, Lamps too big a bone in the Blue spine to be dislocated and Ballack too big a star to be dropped, the gaffer was forced to accommodate too many central midfielders inside a telephone booth.
With Ballack out of the way for the time being, he can finally give Sheva and the fans something to sing and cheer about.
The 4-3-3 formation has served us so well in recent times and there is no real reason to ditch it for diamonds and pearls. The so-called diamond formation against Liverpool was narrower than your average alley and posed no trouble at all for the Pool defence.
No wonder, Cech was forced to hoof the ball towards Drogba all the time and even the Ivorian was kinda getting bored with the ping pong game.
Elsewhere, the clueless Sheva was busy preparing his apology letter for Tiger Woods.
Now that Robben’s up and running again, the midfield looks set to bring our starved strikers more into play. It’s time the team rolled the ball forward rather than test its gravity all the time. Sheva badly needs one good game and Robben might just do the trick.
Go ahead Sheva, invite Tiger again. This time, there won’t be any need for apologies.
sweet revenge
Sept. 16 London Chelsea 1 (DD) Liverpool 0
Oh! What a painful thriller. At this rate, weak-hearted Blue fans, beware. Watching Chelsea can be quite a threat to thy blood-pumping system.
I expected Robben to start, but the gaffer kept faith with the lineup that did the business against Bremen.
Evidently, our midfield lacked any kind of cohesion and the Reds were doing all the running and threatening. Blonde boy Kuyt could have easily given them the lead. Bless the crossbar. Bet Cech must have planted a kiss on it afterwards.
And against the run of play, Lamps shrugged off his awful luck and form to direct a pinpoint cross from the right flank. Drogba, with his ass facing Carragher and beyond him, the goal, chested the ball with élan, swiveled in style and unleashed a left-footed volley so stunningly pretty that even Pepe Reina was rooted to the spot.
After the break, Ballack fell victim to Momo Sissoko’s antics and saw red. The Reds attacked with renewed vigour and it was virtually one-way traffic. I was busy biting my nails, with a constant prayer in my lips.
Gerrard, Kuyt, Crouch all had excellent chances to win the game but it just wasn’t their evening. The Blue defence did its job well, with Carvalho making some superlative tackles. The cannibal showed his first signs of coming undone and was soon replaced by Ferreira, who was excellent. Robben had a cameo as well and almost won a penalty.
Well, the guy up there must have thought that Drogba’s wonder goal was too good to be wasted on a losing cause or even a drawn one. In the end, three more points in the bag.
Mourinho knew it was close call. No wonder, he was acting way too mild, shaking everybody’s hands and was busy calling a spade a spade at the post-match briefing.
He needs to bring back 4-3-3 soon. Otherwise lady luck just might call his bluff.
up and running in europe
Sept. 13 London Chelsea 2 (ME, MB) Bremen 0
If September comes, can Champions League be far behind!?! Thankfully UEFA's pride and joy has finally caught up with us and every club worth its salt is ready to unleash hell.
Being the first game and that too at home, the gaffer rightly decided to play it safe. With a double-header against Barca looming large, winning three points was imperative. As a result, the midfield was packed with no-nonsense CMs and Bremen didn’t find much joy. The same could be said about the fans as well.
It took a defensive slip to open the deadlock. The workaholic Essien profited from the mistake and coolly slotted the loose ball home. Ballack’s superlative penalty made it 2-0 after the break.
Thank God, Lamps finally had the balls to let Ballack take it. I’m eagerly waiting for him to change his mind about the free-kicks as well. At least share it, Lamps!
Klose did come close a couple of times, but overall, Bremen didn’t boast enough fangs to scare anybody at the Bridge.
Hopefully, it’s the same story on the return leg as well.
yo jimbo!
Sept. 09 London Chelsea 2 (DD, RC) Charlton 1.
Once again this lazy looney was forced to call upon all those non-existent multitasking skills as he was still busy editing crap copies at work by the time the Addicks came calling at the Bridge.
It was just like watching an utterly engrossing tennis match in some sweaty stadium. One moment my eyes will be busy tracking Lamps lumping the ball all around the telly. Soon they will shift towards the 17 inch monitor and my hands will get busy again, separating the verbal wheat from the chaff.
There goes Didi, scoring his third of the season. And then contrived to miss a million chances. Anyway, by the looks of it, he just won't let Lamps have the satisfaction of being our top-scorer yet again this season.
The first half was more like it. We ran em ragged, SWP made many a mazy run but seemed to run outta ideas once he was in the vicinity of the box. This kid really needs help. And Sheva? Well, let the honeymoon drag on for a little while.
After the interval, it started to look like the game at Boro. Charlton looked pretty hurt and was trying its best to get even. Terry and company started to look shaky and Didi's predecessor JFH aka Jimbo conjured up quite a cute li'l curled wondergoal.
And then came the moment of the evening. Jimbo, about to do the celebration run, stopped in his tracks and looked up sheepishly at the sea of blue looking stunned in the stands. He soon broke into a gesture that went something like Nirvana's All Apologies. The surprised crowd soon sprang to its feet and applauded the prodigal son's return.
Soon enough, Carvalho gave the Bridge faithful another reason for applause. 2-1.
Lamps could have given the skinny scoreline some extra cushion but Carson kept his spot kick out. On second looks, it would have been harsh. Kalou sure was fouled but he was way off the ball when Ben Haim sent him rolling on the floor.
Three more points in the bag but the day's highlight was Jimbo's moment with the fans. Classless bunch of idiots? We are having a laugh!
going, going, going, going, going, going, gone!
You could well call it the most protracted and infuriating prisoner exchange saga since Cold War stealthily sneaked into history books. The Frenchman can now finally cry "liberte" and the Englishman can make some quick pocket money by hawking his dopey diary which will tell you a thing or two about laundry manners ("Dein and Co. hung me out to dry") and fishing tips ("Arsenal fed me to the sharks").
Ashley Cole = William Gallas + £5 million. On the surface of it, Chelsea looks to have stolen the yummiest part of the pie. But, Wenger must be the one who enjoyed a quietly euphoric celebration dinner sometime after midnight.
The deal seems like a steal simply because Chelsea has been badly getting shafted in the transfer market. Cole is just a good left-back with a pretty pop singer for company, but Gallas is the epitome of versatility. You can stick him up anywhere in the backline and he won't look out of place. Of course, he's not known for burning the grass on the flanks with his sprints or a superlative crossing ability, but when Thierry Henry stutters at the sight of him, you know Gallas is something special.
Gallas had all the right to be greedy at Chelsea. He was the best defender but Terry always got the better paycheques and plaudits. Old Blighty's press corps is notorious for hyping up English players' performances. I do admit Terry is a born leader, risks his balls to block a dangerous ball and scores some handy goals. But, will Mourinho ever stick him up at leftback for even one match, let alone half a season?
The gaffer abused Gallas' versatility to no end and when the latter asked for a paycheck on par with Terry's, Kenyon and Co. were busy chuckling. Well, here's payback time.
Arsenal never was Gallas' destination. But the Italian 'matrimonial' scandal meant that his options simply went up in smoke. Looks like Wenger quietly had a word with him after the World Cup. And the tantrums promptly started.
Why do you think Wenger sold Sol and never tried hard to land a replacement. And this was despite the fact that Senderos was on the sickbed. He knew Gallas was coming.
For him, Gallas is Terry, Cole and Finnan all rolled into one. And £5 million will do nicely for the Cashburden Grove repayment fund.
